Day 8 – Old Photo of me & story behind it

Here is a very old photo of me:

baby pic

Cute, right?! The story behind this photo is it was my 1st birthday (I am 99% sure on this, my Mom will correct me if I am wrong) I know this because of that killer party dress!

Funny to think that if Matt & I have a daughter there is a good chance she will look like this! 🙂

Last night I was out at PF Changs with some friends and this was the fortune I got! I had to share! It’s too good not to be excited about this one! It will remain taped to my bathroom mirror for positive vibes!


Have a good weekend! xxx


Day 7- Ten Fav Foods


1. Mikuni’s in Sac is my FAVORITE. Their BBQ Tuna is ah-mazing

2. Peanut butter. I like in on toast in the morning. Or just a spoonful as a snack 😉

3. Avocados! So good. (and good for you!)

4. Spaghetti Squash. For real! Good so many ways! I even think it’s better than actual pasta. How un-Italian of me

5. Mexican food. Enchiladas, my families tamales, taco salads!

6. Crab. Matt and I LOVE getting crab for dinner, covering our table with newspaper and having a crab feast!

7. Eggplant Parm. But the one I make at home is the best! It’s sooo yummy

8. Pizza!  My favorite pizza place is Michael’s Pizza in Stockton. Nothing compares, although Sac has some ‘fancy’ pizza places that are great too!

9. Breakfast food. If I go out to brunch with you I am either getting Huevos Rancheros or Eggs Benedict

10. Siracha. Technically, it’s a condiment yes. But the way I eat it, it’s basically a food group, and I cannot live without it!



Day 5 – Guilty Pleasures

OMG where do I even start?!

I have a few I indulge in frequently:

1. Wine. Ahhh wine. How do I count the ways that I love you?! If it weren’t for the calories it would just be a pleasure!

2. Celebrity Gossip. I know it all.  I know who’s knocked up, getting married or divorced at all times. I am also a little  obsessed fascinated  with the Kardashian’s. Don’t judge me.

3. Sleeping late. I can sleep until noon on the weekends. Might as well get it in now, right?

Good in bed photo 8297Damn-Right-I-m-Good-in-Bed-Post.jpg


Day 4 – Earliest Childhood Memory

This is kind of a difficult one! Hmmm…

I remember my sister swallowed a penny when she was a baby, but I was a baby myself when it happened- I think 3?

Anyways, I remember the panic in my mom when it happened, and soon after the fire department came to our house. It was pretty traumatic all around, but I only remember bits and pieces of it. (She’s fine now, btw!)

I also remember my kindergarten class! I remember very clearly the layout of the room and where I even sat my first day, and I was 5!



Day 3 – Rituals!

Hi All!

Day 3 in the blogging challenge is Rituals.

I don’t have too many rituals. I wake up every morning and I have breakfast and coffee in bed with Matt (that he makes every morning! I am a lucky girl!) I MUST have my one cup of black coffee every morning or I simply do not function!

As long as work isn’t completely crazy I try to go to the gym on my lunch break. It is much better than going at 4:30 because I find parking easily and the gym isn’t packed-which I hate!

Usually after work I clean, as the rule in our house is- whoever cooks the other person cleans up! Only fair 🙂

I take a hot shower before bed or do a facial mask, and that’s it!

Hope you all are having a great weekend! The SAG awards are on tonight I am so excited!

xo D


20 Facts About Me

Day 2: 20 Facts About Yours Truly:

1. I am a huge movie nerd. I love seeing movies!

2. I have a bad Target obsession

3. I love to read and usually get through each book in about two days (Last book I read was Still Alice, I loved it)

4. I am a very nervous passenger in cars. I really only trust myself driving!

5. I was a pescetarian (I didn’t eat any meat but fish) for 8 years. I have started eating meat the last few months, but intend to go back to being a pescetarian eventually.

6. I always wanted to live in New York. I have STILL never been there

7.  I LOVE watching YouTube beauty vlogs, especially videos from Nicole Guerriero

8. I love animals and am constantly trying to convince Matt we need a 3rd dog! (it’s not working lol)

9. I have never been to Europe (sad face) but I hope to visit soon. Italy & Greece are on my list to visit!

10. I work from home

11. I enjoy binge watching TV shows! Especially Orange is the New Black…

12. I have ran two half marathons, and hope to run more of them in the future

13. When it comes to cleaning I am half OCD and half really messy

14. I like all kinds of music-except country ( I just cant, sorry)

15. love karaoke!

16. I don’t like sweets very much, am much more of a salt-loving person

17. My favorite TV show of all time is Friends and it never gets old

18. I got my first dog, Gisele when I was 20 years old. She is named after Gisele Bundchen!

19.  I have trouble sleeping at night. Melatonin and ZzzQuil are my best friends most nights!

20. Halloween is my favorite holiday



31 Day Blog Challenge!

Happy Friday Guys!

I was reading my friend Sara’s blog this morning, https://meanttobemommy.wordpress.com/  and saw that she was participating in the ’31 day blog challenge.’ The purpose of this challenge is 31 days there is a new blog post where you get to know things about the author of the blog. I thought, what a great idea! Also it  reminded me of those Myspace quizzes we used to do a long time ago (remember those?!)

So, I decided to participate myself! Hope you all enjoy the next 31 days! 🙂

The challenge looks like this:


Day 1- Introduction and Recent Photo


My name is Desirae, I am a 30 year old living in Sacramento. I was born in Stockton, California and then moved to Chico to go to college, where I met Matt. I was 19 and we have been together ever since! We both moved back to Sacramento to find jobs and have been married since 2009. I work for a propane company as a Quality Assurance Specialist, and love my job!  Matt and I have two dogs Gisele and Lucca who are incredibly spoiled.  I spend most of my free time working out (not as much as I’d like), shopping (way more than I should) throwing showers of all kinds, and going to a ton of weddings!



Getting a Grip Part Deux

The calm before the storm is the time between pregnancy announcements in the Allen household. If even a month has gone by and no one has let us know of their impending motherhood, we know it wont be long before someone does! Not only that, they are never just one announcement. They always come in 3’s, don’t ask me why but they do, at least for us. And so the last week this happened: Three very close people in my life became  pregnant. I am SO very happy for these girls, I know they had all been trying, so it’s not like I didn’t expect it, like it did not come out of nowhere.

Nevertheless, the announcements always throw me in a funk. I get sad, I get angry, I cry and I throw myself quite the pity party, complete with a lot of wine and junk food.  Does it feel good to wallow? No. I just feel that sometimes it’s ok to feel these things and pity parties are what I do until I can move forward. I know a lot of you are probably thinking what a lot of people told me over the last week, “your time is coming!” “This is all just great timing, you will be pregnant right along with these girls in 4 months!” I hope and pray every day that this is correct. I am constantly terrified that I won’t be able to experience being pregnant through IVF, and I know that this is not the way to be feeling 4 months out. This is the time to feel positive! The odds are in my favor with IVF and it’s SO important to take this time to be good to myself, to be patient, and most importantly to have a positive outlook!

So today, my pity party ends. I will share in the joy of my friends blessings and hope to be to right there with them in a few months. This also means back on the wagon I go, leaving behind my wine and crap food (it was fun while it lasted!) Even with my few bad days, I still lost 1.5 pounds in the last week! I was super excited to see that! Last week I traveled for work a bit, and its usually hard to eat healthy when traveling, but thankfully I made it to the gym 4x last week so I am sure that helped!

I am hoping to lose 2 lbs this week, wish me luck! xo

There is always hope even though there may be an ocean of doubt. Infertility hurts but you CAN rise above.


Chocolate Cake

I once read this post on an infertility blog, about comparing infertility to wanting chocolate cake. I remember before I read it thinking , yeah right- like there is any comparison! But then I read the long post, and it stuck with me, and to this day whenever I read it I cry. Somehow I always come back to it because I know someday Matt & I will get our Chocolate cake!

“Imagine yourself dressed up in your finest clothes. You and your sweet husband are attending a dinner together in one of the nicest restaurants in town. You both have planned, waited and saved for this evening. To say the least, you are very excited! You and your husband arrive and the atmosphere is more than you expected. Everyone around you is having a good time. The chandeliers are sparkling, candles are glowing and sweet soft music is playing in the background. To your pleasant surprise you see others there you know. You are seated with them and in your heart you think there just couldn’t be anything better!

The table is just exquisite. Breathtaking really. The people at your table begin to talk to you in jolly conversation. You glance at the menu and you don’t even know where to begin! You look over everything slowly and carefully, especially the dessert menu! All of your life you have been hearing about this restaurant’s marvellous and divine desserts. Deep in your heart, you have been looking forward to enjoying dessert the most!

Everyone at your table orders their food. For dessert they all order chocolate cake. You think, “Hey that sounds perfect. I’ll have chocolate cake too please.”

The waiter nods in approval and quickly swifts off to put in your order. In the meantime, you are still enjoying the surroundings, the music and the company. You grab your husband’s hand and sigh “Yes, life just couldn’t get any better.”

The food comes and everything looks just pleasing. Some of the things you tasted you really love, some of the things you didn’t. Either way, you know that dessert is on its way. That thought in and of itself is just exciting! Then you see him, your waiter! Your wonderful, blessed waiter with a silver tray full of plates of chocolate cake! He comes and starts handing out plates to those you know. You look at the cake and to put it simply, it looks just divine. You’re even more excited now! The waiter comes to your side and then passes you and your husband. You are shocked and think there must be some mistake. you don’t know what to do, but rather than make a fuss you think, “Just wait, I will get my chocolate cake soon too.”

Those that have their dessert are going on and on about how amazing the taste is. You smile, you are truly happy for them. Deep down you are anxious and their feelings only feed your curiosity and desire. Then you see the waiter again and think, “Ahhh, here he is.” You notice that he starts handing out seconds and thirds to those that have already had their piece of cake. Your husband doesn’t notice, he’s busy chatting with the fellow next to him! Deep down though you get a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach. You know something is wrong, something is very, very wrong.

You ask the waiter, “Excuse me please. Where is my chocolate cake that I ordered”? The waiter just replies, “The baker has said that you must wait.” He rushes off and not another word is said. Time goes on. You still enjoy the surroundings, the people and the conversations. All the while though, you can’t get chocolate cake out of your mind. Time keeps creeping by and soon your husband notices too, “Where is our dessert?” You hold his hand and look into his loving eyes and think, “Even without chocolate cake, life is still good.”

Time, however, creeps and it creeps. At moments it seems like it has even stopped. It’s getting late and people are noticing you haven’t received your dessert yet. Questions start arising and you just don’t know how to respond. You look around other tables and notice that people are also getting their third, fourth and fifth servings of dessert. “Why” is all you have to lean upon.

You notice that others have ordered things for dessert besides chocolate cake. There is cherry pie, brownie ice cream sundaes, raspberry cheesecakes and such. They seem just as pleased, if not more pleased with their desserts and you wonder, “Should I order cherry pie too”? You talk to the waiter and he simply says, “I’m sorry ma’am, you just need to be patient and wait.”

You are starting to burn inside. Despite all of your best efforts you are beginning to boil. You really want to jump on top of the table and stomp while shouting, “Where is my chocolate cake?” You don’t though because you know that will get you no where! Instead you look around and notice that there are some that are refusing their chocolate cake. “It will make me fat” one says. “Ugh. I have enough already” another states. One woman, simply dumps her beautiful chocolate cake onto the floor.

As you look deeper around you, you notice there are a few others that are waiting too. Your heart goes out to them. You smile and wish there was something more you could do. You know their pain and it hurts. It really hurts.

Finally, the waiter comes and he has chocolate cake on that familiar beautiful silver platter…and he has enough for two. One for your husband and one for you! Your so elated with joy that you can’t hardly stand it!!! You tell everyone at your table and they are just as happy for you. “We knew it would happen” they say. “You just needed to relax”! Little did they know that deep inside relaxing was the last thing you were feeling! You look at your husband. Tears are in both of your eyes. You carefully take a taste. It’s such sweet, sweet perfection. You go to take another and just before you do the waiter comes and gently takes your plates away. “Something is wrong” he says. “Don’t worry my dear, the time is soon.”

There’s confusion. Sadness. Anger. Above all though, you are just deeply and truly heartbroken. Heartbroken to the very core. You don’t know what to do. You turn to others for support. They cry with you and too ask why. You take a deep breath and find the strength to go on. You have been given the promise that you will receive dessert. It is just not understood as to when. You decide to put your full trust in the baker. You reach far inside within yourself and find the effort to ask your husband to dance.

He looks at you and smiles…”Yes, I would love to dance with you my dear one.” You both get up, leave the table and set off to dance.

As you are dancing, you get your bearings. You again begin to notice your surroundings. The beautiful surroundings that have so magically grabbed your attention in the first place. You remember the music, the sounds, the smell of the sweet flowers. You breath. That’s all you can do. You breath and slowly begin to enjoy the moment again. Slowly, it all comes back to you. The things you love. Being with the person you love the most. The pains you have just felt are still there. Still vulnerable, but you feel life again. Yes, life is still good.

After quite a few dances, you both decide it’s time to sit at your table. People still have their desserts and their chocolate cakes. Your space is still empty. You decide, however, to really focus on those around you. In doing so you find more joy. The desire for dessert is still there- but it’s manageable. Time moves on.

Then suddenly, out of nowhere, your waiter appears. He has the biggest smile on his face. He is pleased to announce that you and your husband’s dessert is finally here!! Your heart wells up with joy, but you’re afraid too. You ask the waiter, “Will you take it away”? “No, this one was made especially for you.”

You smile back, hardly believing that this could be true or real. You look at it and it’s not a dessert you have ever seen before. It’s then that you realize that the baker has made a dessert with all of your favorite colors and flavors. Careful detail was lovingly taken into every consideration. “How did He know that this is exactly what I wanted”? The waiter just smiles and says, “Because he knows and loves you.” If you look, you can see him there. You look and at the door, through the little round window you see a gentle man with tears in his eyes. He is grinning from ear to ear and looking at you and your husband. You can’t hardly see anymore because of all of the happy tears. You whisper a big “Thank You” and in your heart you feel that this simple phrase will never be enough.

You look at the people around you, they too have tears in their eyes. They too are smiling from ear to ear. Everything is so precious and tender now- even more so than when you first arrived here. It’s then that you learn that the pains you have felt all along the way. The waiting, the crying, the agony. It’s all been a special recipe to make this moment this much more wonderful and sacred.

In your soul you take a deep breath and slowly let out a big sigh of gratitude.

You grab your husband’s hand and sigh again, “Yes, life just couldn’t get any better.”