Lots and lots of people struggle with infertility, and they struggle in many different ways. Since starting this blog and becoming more open about my issues, I have heard many, many stories of women struggling with this disease. While most have overcome this lonely diagnosis and gone on to have children of their own- there are still many who are struggling as hard as I am. I always wanted to write a do’s and don’ts of infertility and now that I have gone through the whole process (who am I kidding- I am still going through it) I feel like I have become quite the expert of dealing with infertility on my own.
- Find Support! From the first month we started trying to get pregnant I immersed myself in research on how to make it happen as quickly as possible. It led me to the What to Expect website which in turn led me to the Trying to Conceive message boards. I became quite obsessed with reading every single entry and to be honest most girls on the boards were pregnant within 6 months and moved on. I think that’s how I became aware that I might have a problem. I made fast friends with a group of girls from those boards and while they are ALL moms now, they supported me through it all and it really helps. Whether its a support group, a online forum or a friend- you’re not alone in this.
- Your Research! While I know I tend to overdo it on Mr. Google, he’s helped me more often than not. Find out your options. Find ways to increase your odds! Read success stories! I am obsessed with reading success stories of women who overcame egg quality & tubal issues. Gives me so much hope. Figure out your plan B and get educated on it! Might just be me, but the more informed I am- the less stressed I will be.
- Stay Healthy! Try your best to drink a lot of water, eat as healthy as you can and exercise! Exercise is the BEST THING EVER. Helps decrease stress, gives you endorphins and circulates blood to your ovaries and uterus. After my IVF failure I couldn’t wait to work out again, and I do believe it helped me deal with the pain. Don’t get me wrong, I still drink my wine and struggle with eating healthy 7 days a week, but I believe everything should be done in moderation! Just be the healthiest version of yourself you can be!
- Alienate yourself! It would be SO easy & less painful if I didn’t go to every fucking baby shower I get invited to (just joking I throw them 9/10). It would be so easy to distance myself from friends who are pregnant (not really- I’d have no friends lol) But you know what? I don’t do that. I actually do the opposite. I get really involved. I helped my sister in law register for my niece. When my three best friends were pregnant last year, I got to feel the babies kick. It was amazing. There were nights where I cried myself to sleep, but you know what? Life goes on when you have infertility. People are going to continue getting pregnant. While that is the hardest pill to swallow in my situation, accepting it has made me a stronger person. And because I was so involved in my friends pregnancies I believe I’ll be a good mother someday. I get lots and lots practice these days as Auntie Des. Don’t distance yourself from the Fertiles in your life!
- Don’t Blame Yourself! Ah, this is something that I struggle with the most. If you are infertile because of your issues you probably do too. Whenever I see Matt with a baby my heart aches. I just recently told one of my best friends that I felt horrible not being able to give Matt a baby. He told me that I am blaming myself for something Matt does not blame me for. And he’s right- Matt doesn’t blame me. I think it’s harder for Matt to watch me blame & hate myself than anything we’ve gone through. The truth is- IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT. I didn’t ask for this disease and neither did you. Go easy on yourself.
- GIVE UP HOPE. EVER. I refuse to give up hope that I will ever become a mother. Period. I am going to get pregnant or I am going to adopt. It’s not easy but I know it can happen. Someday this will happen for us! Most days its the only thing that’s get me through it. I’ll think nope, not gonna happen- I will never be a mom. Then I see Instagram posts of ladies like Dreaming of Dimples, or Unnaturally Knocked Up who went through 4 Ivf’s to get their babies. Or ALL the amazing adoptions blogs I follow. Soon, we will all be off this shitty road and will be mothers. Stay Hopeful always!
Have a great weekend xo